11 irrefutable reasons why musicians make better lovers

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It shouldn’t surprise anyone that music and love tend to go hand in hand; kissing and the pentatonic scale are 2 of the strongest constants that link all human cultures and civilisations. We’ve been doing a little research at Red Dog Music towers to find the most convincing, compelling reasons why musicians make better lovers, and now that all the harassment lawsuits have cleared, we’re going to share them with you:

1: They’re good at finding small things.

Have you ever dropped a plectrum? Those tiny, coin-sized bits of plastic have a habit of pinging out of your hand into the dark netherworld of the stage floor. Being able to locate it again requires a superhuman ability to rummage effectively.


partners

2: Their timing is impeccable.

Take it from us, there’s nothing quite like the satisfaction you feel when locking in to the rhythm of your musical accomplice. Apart from… well…


3: They can communicate without words.

Whispering sweet nothings is one thing, but the ability to indicate your intentions across a loud, darkened room with a barely perceptible nod of your head can mean the difference between adagio and allegro; climax and caesura.


foreigner

4: They know what love is.

Foreigner might not know what love is, but they’re probably not sure what decade it is right now so let’s leave them out of this. Most other musicians know exactly what love is. Love is the luscious texture of rosewood; love is the ladder filter of a Moog Sub 37; love is the crystalline resonance of a grand piano. You get the idea.


5: They’re good with their fingers.

Whether you’re a shredder, a scratch DJ, or a virtuoso flautist, musicians are all able to do really fiddly things with their fingers. Great bass players are particularly notable for their tasteful use of the thumb.


horn

6: …and their mouths.

Brass players can hit 3 or 4 different octaves by just shaping their lips and tongue in slightly different ways. Saxophonists can produce 7 unique tonal effects with their instrument by just using their mouth. One of them is called “flutter-tonguing”. Dreams DO come true.


drummers

7: …and their arms and legs.

Have you ever watched a drummer before? I mean… WATCHED? Every limb seems to have a mind of its own. The average drum kit has at least 8 unique areas that do different things, all being stimulated with pulsing synchronicity. IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES.


8: They’re able and willing to carry heavy stuff around.

It doesn’t matter if they’re carefully adjusting a fragile, priceless valve microphone or lugging a 8×10 bass cab down a spiral staircase, the true muso doesn’t care about size.


9: They regularly perform for hours on end.

Musicians are no strangers to lengthy sessions. The average headline set almost always clocks in at over an hour, Bruce Springsteen has been known to play for up to 4 hours in one go, and the full cycle of Wagner’s “Der Ring des Nibelungen” can – depending on the conductor’s pace – run up to 15 hours. Eye-watering.


sweetspot

10: They’re all about the “sweet spot”

Producers, engineers and performers alike thoroughly enjoy getting the best out of the equipment they have, and know how important a couple of millimetres can be in getting good results.


11: They put in the practice.

It takes a lot of time to hone incredible skills. Musicians often practice for hours upon hours each day. Sometimes with partners, often alone.

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Guy Perchard

Digital editor & recording specialist at Red Dog Music
As well as being the marketing man-about-town at Red Dog Music, Guy is a busy, award winning record producer and mixing engineer. He is also partial to a chorizo stromboli for elevenses.

4 Responses to “11 irrefutable reasons why musicians make better lovers”

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  1. Owald Van Schalkwyk

  2. #1 takes on a different nuance when the musician in question is female.

  3. Ryan Fleming says:

    Haha!! So damn funny!

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