Red Dog Music | Oct 9, 2018 | 0
6 impossibly expensive musical Mother’s Day gift suggestions
There are some things all musicians seem to have in common: finger-drumming at the dinner table, buying practically every second-hand instrument you see, being ludicrously romantic, and leaving important things ’til the last minute. With that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the fabulous things you could buy your mum this weekend*…
Martin 00028-ECB – only £2,699
If the sheer amount of posts about him on the Mumsnet forum are anything to go by, I’d say it was a safe bet that mums love Eric Clapton. Practically everyone will be buying their lovely mums a copy of The Breeze, why not stand out from the crowd and buy her his legendary signature Martin guitar instead? If you’re worried that won’t be impressive enough by itself, or want to outshine one of your irritating siblings, why not bundle it with a limited edition £2,999 Marshall 1962LE Bluesbreaker amp for good measure?
Eve 4-String Elite Bass – only £2,199
If terrible films, poorly written novels and bad TV dramas have taught us anything, it’s that mothers thoroughly enjoy long walks in the woods. However, if trawling around after your old dear on a muddy Sunday hike sounds like more hassle than it’s worth, bring the woods to her! All of our fantastic, one-of-a-kind Eve guitars and basses are hand-hewn on the East coast of Scotland from the most exceptionally beautiful, incredibly resonant tone-woods money can buy.
Orange AD200b mkIII – only £1,539
Nothing says “thanks for squeezing me out of you” better than a big bowl of seasonally ripe oranges the size of a baby’s head. This year, why not up your game and give her a ludicrously powerful, all-valve Orange amplifier instead? Sure, boring old orange fruits can reduce the risk of cancer, stroke, and heart disease, but Orange amplifiers can turn up so loud they shake the plaster loose from your ceiling. Be honest, now… which of these do you think your mother really wants?
Barefoot Sound MM12 monitors – only £19,200
Mums like to dance, there’s no denying it. While you might be considering getting her a nifty little portable sound system like the Beats Pill to free the music on her phone, you might want to consider something a little less awkwardly phallic and a lot more… good. The Barefoot MM12 monitoring system can model the response of various classic studio monitors, weighs a gargantuan 20 stone and clocks in at a preposterous 3000 watts; powerful enough for even the most vigorous of Zumba sessions.
Roland C380 Organ in dark oak – only £10,350
Maybe your mum is of the traditional Sunday-school variety? The shy, retiring type who spends her perfect Mother’s Day attending early morning service and relaxing in the afternoon with a gentle sing-a-long to Songs of Praise. Show how much you love your reverent old mum by installing a real-life church organ in her living room! The Roland C380 can accurately model pretty much every organ ever made, from twee gospel Hammonds to the mightiest of cathedral pipes.
Neve Genesys G128 console – only £104,520
Now, I know what you’re thinking… “I love my mum, but a flagship studio masterpiece like the Genesys G128 might be a little on the pricey side.” We can see where you’re coming from, but don’t worry; the G128 isn’t just ONE gift, it’s THREE! First off, your mum will never complain that she can’t hear what you’re saying over the phone again once you route her mobile through its incredibly pristine pre-amps. Secondly, its dozens of motorised faders could easily be programmed to perform a multitude of every day tasks, from mixing dough to deep tissue massage. Lastly – but by no means least – you can tilt it on its side, throw a cloth over it and seat 6 guests for a fabulous evening meal!
* Apologies for any confusion caused to all our non-UK readers, but us Brits traditionally celebrate “Mothering Sunday” based around the suitably-quirky vernal equinox/Lent/pagan springtime fertility festivals, not the wholesome, 19th century, 2nd Sunday in May “Mother’s Day” created to reunite families divided by the American Civil War. A tongue-in-cheek gift list AND a history lesson? Aren’t you lucky ;)